本帖最后由 无疆行者 于 2008-12-17 07:20 PM 编辑
英译中: "雪夜过寒林"和"我身为孤云"
行者有两篇旧文, 用古体或近体诗形式翻译英文诗, 一是"雪夜过寒林-四联绝句体译'Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening'”, 一是"五言-金水仙/'我身为孤云'"(The Daffodils).
暂时放在这里, 欢迎批评指正.
一, "雪夜过寒林"-Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
题前的话: 行者近日又读美国诗人Robert Frost的经典短篇Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening, 萌发了要自己译出来的念头. 以前文坛前辈余光中先生有一个译文, 在行者看来, 基本符合"原意"-至少从字面上和格律上. 行者对余先生的几处翻译有些许不同的意见, 都反映在行者的"改余版"里-有空再一一探讨. 这里的"雪夜过寒林", 是行者用中国传统的七绝体, 四联仿Frost的韵律结构, 做的一个探索. 附一是Robert Frost的原诗, 附二是余光中先生的一段谈话, 附三是Louis Untermeyer的一段评论. 感兴趣的博友可以参考.
雪夜过寒林-四联绝句体译”Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening”
我心知是哪家林, 远有人居傍小村
擅自停车意难止, 原来披雪最销魂
四下无人我自知, 暂停归路马迟迟
银湖玉树谁欲静, 夜色一年唯此时
空林寂寂响鸾铃, 似问缘何在此停
除却轻风无天籁, 枝间尽是雪来声
林深林暗惹心开, 一诺千金兀自来
此去求眠路多少, 归程多少计难哉
NOTE
1. 按新声平仄通韵格(林村魂, 止知迟时, 静铃停声, 籁开来哉), 也符合原诗AABA-BBCB-CCDC-DDXD的韵律(在Robert Frost的原诗里X也是D, 但七绝体本身无法复原之).
2. 过-经过, 访问, 即Stop by.
3. 如果按实际的日子算, 冬至那天是黑夜最长的, 也具有The darkest evening of the year.
4. 鸾铃-a set of bells which were attached to a horse or horse drawn vehicle.
5. 和风, 微风-easy wind
6. 人生处处是归程.
附一, Robert Frost之Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
Whose woods these are I think I know
His house is in the village though
He will not see me stopping here，
To watch his woods fill up with snow
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake
The woods are lovely, dark and deep
But I have promises to keep
And miles to go before I sleep
And miles to go before I sleep
附二, 抄一段余光中先生的说法:
《雪夜林畔小驻》是现代英语始终公认的短篇杰作。此诗之难能可贵，在于意境含蓄，用语天然，而格律严谨。意境则深入浅出，貌似写景，却别有寓意。佛洛斯特曾为一诗之成，“兴于喜悦，而终于澈悟。”验之此诗，最可印证。……至于格律，用的是“抑扬四步格”（iambic tetrameter），这倒并不稀奇。奇的是韵脚的排列-每段的第一、第二、第四行互押，至于第三行，则于次段执第一、第二、第四行相押，如是互为消长，交错呼应，到了末段又合为一体，四行通押。这样押韵本来也不太难，难在韵脚都落的十分自然，毫无强凑之感。这首诗要译成中文，颇不容易。
附三, Commentary by Louis Untermeyer (The Road Not Taken, A selection of Robert Frost's Poems, p.181):
Although they were first printed in two different books and are not connected in any way, "Sitting by a Bush in Broad Sunlight" and "Stopping by a Woods in Snowy Evening" might be a matching pair of poems. Even the titles supplement each other.
On the surface, both seem to be simple, descriptive verses, records of close observation, graphic and homely pictures. Both use the simplest terms and commonest words: in the two poems there are just four words of three syllables; twenty-nine are two-syllable words; and about two hundred words are words of one syllable. But both poems are deeply meditative; both add far-reaching meanings to the homely music. "Sitting by a Bush in Broad Sunlight" ends on a note of persistent faith. "Stopping by a Woods in Snowy Evening", one of the most quietly moving of Frost's lyrics, uses its superb craftsmanship to come to a climax of responsibility: the promises to be kept, the obligations to be fulfilled. Few poems have said so much in so little.
二, "我身为孤云"-The Daffodils
题前的话: 行者自"以长短句代书致白云下的兄弟"以及"Anchored the night"(诗词中译英之一: 枫桥夜泊)后一直研究英文诗的格律, 选的是W. Wordsworth的"I wandered lonely as a cloud". 正着手写一组小文, 介绍英文诗的"格律"并且试着"翻译"一些成古体.
英文诗格律(一): 从William Wordsworth(1770–1850)的诗The Daffodils看"Ti-Tum"四音步
说起英文诗, 大家都知道莎士比亚(W. Shakespeare)和以他的名字命名的"莎氏"十四行诗(Shakespearean Sonnet, 另外一种叫Petrarchan Sonnet).
这种Sonnet, 是有严格的格律的: 每首十四行, 每行是"抑扬格"五音步.
以前, 行者曾提起过英文诗里的"格律"(一首怀旧的英文诗), 但没有进一步展开说明.
现在有个机会. 借着W. Wordsworth著名的The Daffodils[1], 看看这英文诗的"格律"到底是怎么一回事儿.
The Daffodils, 即"金水仙"(其花金色亮黄), 又名"I wandered lonely as a cloud", 是Wordsworth的代表作之一, 用Iambic Tetrameter节奏(轻重或短长四音节步)-因为"轻重或短长"一般记作Ti-Tum或Da-Dum, 也叫Ti-Tum或Da-Dum音步, 英文是iamb[2]-"抑扬格"也(和"扬抑格"Trochee相反).
全诗四段, 每段六行, 每行四组"短-长"或"轻-重"音步(metrical foot)-也叫"抑扬格"(即按"短-长/短-长/短-长/短-长"或"轻-重/轻-重/轻-重/轻-重"的节奏).
每段里, 前四行是隔行押尾韵(Rhyme)[3], 后两行再单独押不同的尾韵.
大家可以试着按"抑扬格"来读一读这首诗(附于[1]).
这首诗能否恰当地翻译成汉语呢?
可以是自由体, 可以是古体-四言的五言的七言的杂言的.
下面附一是行者五言版.
NOTE:
[1] I WANDERED LONELY AS A CLOUD // aka The Daffodils
I wan-dered lone-ly as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host of gold-en daf-fo-dils;
Be-side the lake, be-neath the trees,
Flut-ter-ing and danc-ing in the breeze.
Con-tin-u-ous as the stars that shine
And twin-kle on the Milk-y Way,
They stretched in nev-er-end-ing line
a-long the mar-gin of a bay:
Ten thou-sand saw I at a glance,
toss-ing their heads in spright-ly dance.
The waves be-side them danced; but they
Out-did the spar-kling waves in glee:
A po-et could not but be gay,
in such a joc-und com-pa-ny:
I gazed - and gazed - but lit-tle thought
what wealth the show to me had brought:
For oft, when on my couch I lie
In va-cant or in pen-sive mood,
They flash up-on that in-ward eye
Which is the bliss of sol-i-tude;
And then my heart with pleas-ure fills,
And danc-es with the daf-fo-dils.
[2] iamb, a metrical foot consisting of an unstressed syllable followed by a stressed syllable or a short syllable followed by a long syllable, as in delay [de-lay].
[3] rhyme (also rime), 叫尾韵 (A word that corresponds with another in terminal sound, as behold and cold), 和头韵(alliteration)相反.
[4] The poem is covered and taught in the 7th grade English textbook of the Secondary School Certificate (SSC) board of Education of India. It is also part of the English Literature GCSE course in some British examination boards.
附一, 五言-金水仙/"我身为孤云"
我身为孤云, 飘飘浮山谷
独怜花水仙, 依树傍湖舞
金带穿春风, 无人自作主
闪烁如繁星, 连绵比河汉
金毡绕水浒, 一瞥得千万
点首醉翩翩, 遥遥永不断
碧波陪君狂, 但非似君醉
我意最怜君, 愿以君为对
放眼绝淫思, 此生心足遂
当我着胡床, 心空或心短
寂寞去因君, 春光耀满眼
心乐舞应长, 长逐黄花远
译者自注:
第一段, "孤云"-唐李颀有句"有时空望孤云高"(送陈章甫). Host, 双关, An army or A great number; One who receives or entertains guests. 按W. Wordsworth的妹妹Dorothy的记载, Daffodils象是"a long belt". 另, 据说这首发表于1807年的诗源于1802年春的一次兄妹散步.
第二段, Milky Way, 即银河, 古代也称河汉或星河. 水浒, 水边也, "水浒传"曾译作Water Margin (Outlaws of the Marsh).
第三段, outdo, To do more or better than in performance or action. 对, pair也. 淫, 自古言多也.
第四段, couch, 直意是sofa, 可以座卧, 但古有"胡床"一语, 此借用. pensive mood, melancholy or wistfully feeling-有sad的意思, 这里译成"心短", 相比于心长或心宽.
附二, 四言-金水仙/"飘飘我心"
飘飘我心, 无绪闲云
高山深谷, 树下湖津
谁因风醉, 蓦然见君
(待续) |
发表于 2008-12-17 19:18:44
楼主
发表于 2008-12-18 11:11:05
